Today is just one of those days that no matter what I do I mess up.

I opened my car door today to find that all the water from the rear footwell was gone. Great, I thought. Then I realised why. My sketchpad, my full sketchpad, my sketchpad full of things for my interview that I had been writing in at Em’s yesterday, had fallen into the water and soaked it all up. SHIT.

I went to the library to cheer myself up and get new art books to take away with me for the week. I was starving and wanted to leave to get food but stayed for 45 mins picking the right ones as you can only have 10, and working out which ones to take back so that I could get the right ones I needed. This involved a pile system of yeses, nos and maybes and a lot of deliberation while trying not to faint from lack of food. I finally decided on my 10. Phew. Took them to the desk and gave a pile, took back a pile, gave some old ones back, took some new ones, paid some change off my fine, done. Lugged the really heavy massive art books to the car and then one of them looked familiar. Not just familiar because I had been looking at it in the library familiar. But familiar in the kind of ‘I’ve had you on my shelf at home for a month already familiar’. Not only did I come the closest I ever had to actual death by starvation during the chosing process, so much so that I wasn’t even sure I could drive home without blacking out, but the result was that I had just taken out all the books that I had already had for a month and had taken to the library to return. Words escape me at this point. Could I be arsed to go back to the library to do the whole process again. Could I ****!!!

I drove home, still clinging onto life by a thread and hoping that my body will choose to take its fuel from my little love handles that I can’t get rid of, as I went see a photography exhibition at Caerleon Uni, so wouldn’t be able to stop for food and I would need to be able to stop somewhere that would let me pay for a mars bar with a credit card (cash no longer exists in my jobless excuse for a life). I have written down in my diary to go to this exhibition everyday for the past 2 weeks and today was the day that I would finally fit it in. The photography course at Caerleon is an internationally known course, and I couldn’t wait to see the work there. I intended to write notes about it in my soaking wet sponge formally known as an expensive moleskine sketchpad, and take it to the interview. So I park and go to reception. Noone appears to have heard of this exhibition. I wander around. I find a girl who was trying so hard to be different from everyone else by wearing two different coloured shoelaces that she must have been an art student, and asked her if she knew anything about it. She didn’t (no, why would you, you’re too busy trying to look like you know about art to actually have time to look at any art), but she offered to take me to the department. I snuck around once I was there trying to give myself an impromptu and probably slightly illegal open day and went into lots of rooms that had staff only all over them, to see if I want to go there for my course. I asked at the desk about the exhibition and noone knew anything about it, and the woman actually did some actual sign language to me as she told me this. I know this because one of my whims was studying British Sign Language at uni. The only logical conclusion to this is that my face looked that pissed off, with no inclination to pretend that it’s all ok, that she must’ve assumed I couldn’t hear her. Or perhaps I really was too far down the starvation route to move it. Who knows. Either way, the result is that noone in the entire building had heard about it. The only person who seemed to have some idea was a caretaker man who saw someone carrying photos into a room earlier. I stupidly thought I could find said room with a bit of wandering but after 8 failed attempts I decided to go home.

So here I am. What a cock up.

Poured a lovely cup of tea and was so impatient to start having a nice relaxing time that I picked it up to drink straight away and burnt my tongue and am wiring this with an icecube in my mouth, while looking online at the advert for the photography exhibition in Caerleon.